Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep
by Mako-clb
Summary: Gonou/Hakkai's conversations with a God he may or may not believe in


Disclaimer: The boys belong to Minekura-sensei. I'm just borrowing them for awhile. I make no profit from this, and I don't intend to.

Notes: This is rated PG for language. Cho Gonou was raised in a Catholic orphanage, so I've always wondered what his relationship with God might be like. Please note that this isn't necessarily my view of God nor do I mean any disrespect to any Christians, Jews, or others. This is simply my take on Gonou/Hakkai's view of God as colored by his experiences.

I didn't have a beta for this story, so all mistakes are mine.

Summary: Gonou/Hakkai's conversations with a God he may or may not believe in.

* * *

**Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep**  
by Mako-clb

Dear God, I'm talking to you like they want. I don't really understand, but I guess I owe the sisters for taking me in.

* * *

When I asked Sister Mary Louise why she thought God could hear my prayers, she said you're omniscient and omnipotent. I checked the dictionary. It means you know everything and can do anything. If that's true, then you know where Kanan is. Bring her to me.

* * *

I learned a rhyme today; something else the sisters expect me to say. Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take. But, I only want to find my sister. I don't care if I live or die. I don't care about my soul. If you take me to her, you can have my soul. I'll believe you're real; I'll pray every night. Just take me to her.

* * *

Tell me, Holy Father. Tell me where Kanan is, and I'll believe.

* * *

Why haven't you taken me to Kanan? If you know where she is, then tell me. I'll walk for days if I have to. I just need to find her.

* * *

The sisters lied. You're not almighty or all knowing. And, if you are everything the sisters say, then I hate you.

* * *

Sister Mary Alice said you do everything in your own time, that you have a plan. That everything is part of YOUR plan. Was I part of your plan? Was mother abandoning me part of your plan? Was losing Kanan part of your plan? Tell me what I did to make you hate me?

* * *

No answer?

* * *

I hate you.

* * *

I hate you.

* * *

I hate you.

* * *

…

* * *

…

* * *

…

* * *

I'm only talking to you because Sister Mary Teresa said I couldn't have my books back until I proved I was praying properly. She's watching me now, but I know you're not. You're not real. If you were, you could tell the sister what I'm really saying, but she doesn't know. She can't read my lips.

* * *

I got my books back. I knew you were fake.

* * *

…

* * *

I wish you were real; then I could find Kanan.

* * *

I hate you.

* * *

I hate you.

* * *

I hate you.

* * *

You're real. You brought Kanan and I together. Thank you. I'll never doubt again.

* * *

I don't know why you waited so long to bring us together, but Kanan says not to question your wisdom. I won't.

* * *

Thank you.

* * *

Kanan loves the house, and I love the way she looked when she saw it. Thank you for bringing us together.

* * *

Kanan burned the rice. She can't cook at all. Thank you, God, for sending me to that orphanage. Sister Mary Catherine's cooking lessons were indeed a God-send.

* * *

Kanan says what we are doing is wrong, that it goes against your will. She says we should ask for your forgiveness. But, everything is according to YOUR plan. You wouldn't have brought us together again if you didn't want this to happen. Thank you.

* * *

I have wonderful students. They're so eager to learn. Thank you, God.

* * *

Thank you, Holy Father.

* * *

…

* * *

…

* * *

…

* * *

I hate you. How could you let them take her? How could you let me get so close, so impossibly close, only to let her kill herself? Was this YOUR plan from the beginning? Did you bring us together just to rip out my heart? You're no god; you're the Devil, and I'll see you in Hell.

* * *

…

* * *

Why didn't you let me die? Isn't eternal damnation enough of a punishment for me? But, I'll turn this to my advantage. You thought making me live was a punishment, but I'll use this time to find Kanan's body and bury her properly. I will force you to accept her into heaven before I consign myself to hell.

* * *

…

* * *

I take pity on this man, Gojyo, you have roped into your little games. He has no idea what you've pulled him into. He deserves to know that, at least.

* * *

…

* * *

I no longer hate you because it is pointless to hate a lie. There are many gods. I know this now. And, none care enough to interfere in mortal concerns. There is no one to blame for my pain and suffering but me.

* * *

…

* * *

…

* * *

…

* * *

…

* * *

…

* * *

Ah, I see. Some mortal concerns do attract the gods' attention. But, only some mortals are worth saving. The capricious nature of the gods and of you, God, is evident.

* * *

…

* * *

…

* * *

I've found my savior, and it isn't YOUR son. He's given me life, twice. He's saved what's left of my soul. I don't deserve him. I would thank you, but now I know it wasn't your doing that brought us together. Consider this our last conversation. From now on, I will pray only to him, worship only him. For he will never forsake me the way you did.

Amen


End file.
